Dave knew something was wrong in his life; he just couldn’t put his finger on it

By: Kevin Burke and Reg Platt, originally published June 10, 2025, Pregnancy Help News

Life wasn’t going well for Dave.

There were the frequent fights with his wife, and the relationship with his children was rocky. Dave had a short fuse and lashed out at those closest to him.   

He drank a lot, not because he enjoyed it, but because it provided a temporary escape from his problems. Dave could sense that something was wrong with his life; he just couldn’t put his finger on it. 

In quieter moments, when not numb from alcohol or anger, he felt a sense of deep loss, a grief that wouldn’t go away. Dave knew something needed to change in his life, but he had no idea where to start. 

God’s illuminating and transforming grace can be communicated in a Saint-Paul-type mystical conversion. But more often, it is experienced through the ordinary relationships and events of our lives. 

Dave had a friend from church who was aware that he was involved in two previous abortions before he married. He let Dave know about a speaker coming to the church to talk about the impact of abortion on men.   

Dave admitted to his friend that the abortions bothered him, but added, “I don’t see how this could be connected to the problems I am experiencing right now.” With encouragement from his friend, Dave reluctantly agreed to come to the men’s group.

Dave listened as the speaker shared his personal experience of abortion loss and how it impacted his life and relationships. The speaker talked about the healing he experienced in a men’s abortion Bible study called the Project Joseph Retreat. Dave signed up for the next weekend program. 

He arrived at the retreat center Friday and met the other six participants in the program. Each man had his own set of problems and sorrows. Yet, as Dave heard their stories, he began to realize they all had a lot in common.

That’s what Project Joseph does. Since 2014, it has helped men recognize, from their unique, individual perspectives, that the damage done by abortion is universal. Loss, grief and guilt are at the core of every story, regardless of how the man was involved.

Project Joseph was developed as the fruit of men who had experienced healing in Rachel’s Vineyard, a weekend retreat where women and men can journey together to heal from their abortion experience. While there are great blessings from that shared experience, some male alumni of Rachel’s Vineyard felt called to offer additional healing for men, in a men’s-only context. 

Project Joseph creates a space where men can explore issues like damaged fatherhood, marriage relationships, and developing a healthy, holy identity as a man. It allows those men who were passive or actively encouraging of the abortion to honestly look at their role in that tragic event.  They come to see how the shame and guilt that flowed from those abortions fueled their personal and relationship challenges.

But the biggest challenge for any men’s abortion outreach is getting fathers to recognize they need help. Most, like Dave, never made the connection to the struggles in their lives. Abortion is “legal,” so it must be OK. There must be something else behind the sorrow, the depression and the lingering sense of guilt. 

The path to healing involves raising awareness, and through the healing process, reconnecting in love with one’s aborted children.  The relationship shattered by abortion must be repaired, or a man will carry the burden of this loss forever. 

The group process provides an opportunity to end the denial and isolation common after abortion. Fathers discover they are not alone in their pain, and healing is possible. In a place of emotional and spiritual safety, they can now grieve and mourn that loss, making room in their father’s heart for the reconciliation, healing and peace of the Lord.

And it’s not just the father of the child who needs healing. The college roommate who drives the mom to the abortion center, the brother who loans money to a family member to have the procedure, or the man who encourages and “affirms” a friend’s decision to abort—all are deeply wounded by their intimate connection to that child’s death.  

Men who marry a woman with an abortion in her past may also be wounded by the relational impact of her abortion, especially in the areas of communication, trust and intimacy. All are welcome to experience emotional and spiritual healing in Project Joseph and Rachel’s Vineyard.

In the days and weeks after the Project Joseph retreat, Dave stopped drinking. He began to value his living children and have a deeper love and appreciation for his wife. Dave later felt called to publicly share his experience of abortion and serve on the Project Joseph team, helping other men find healing.   

It takes a special kind of courage to confront one’s demons, but it’s the only way to vanquish them. And it can be done with just a phone call for help. If you’re haunted by abortion loss, call 469-720-2273 or email  healing@projectjosephdallas.org and speak with Project Joseph.

Everything is confidential.

You are not alone.

Kevin Burke, MSS, is a pastoral associate of Priests for Life and co-founder of Rachel’s Vineyard. An expert on men and abortion loss, he is the author of Tears of the Fisherman.

Reg Platt is the coordinator and main facilitator for Project Joseph.